I can't say I have everything I've ever wanted, but I can say I'm happy. I don't have a lot of friends, and I don't care because the friends I have are awesome. I don't use the word friend fast because I never know if someone is really my friend or not. My definition of friend: Someone who cares just as much about you as you care about them, someone who is there for you when you need them and helps you. But most of the time when I care about someone and wanna help they push me away. Why? Is it really so annoying that I care? Or I care about someone and try everything to help them and I will never get something back. Just tell me to back off and I will, I promise. I know it's maybe not smart to care about everyone who is nice to me, even if it's once. But I don't think it makes me a bad person, so why do people act like I am?
Not everyone does it, take Ezzie for example. She heard all of my shit, she even listens when I'm being stupid and emotional. Most people would turn their back to me at that moment. But she doesn't, she's really there for me, and I want to give that back to her. And even if I only know her on msn, and maybe I will never see her, but I think it's fair to call her my best friend. Even when I'm jealous of her she keeps caring about me and talks me trough it.
And then there's a person who is turning my whole world upside down. One day we talk like friends, the other day I'm ignored like I did something wrong. And when somethings wrong and I wanna help, I feel like I'm being pushed away. That kind of makes me feel like shit. I just wanna help and that person makes me feel like it's bad to care.
I love to talk to people and I put others before myself. And there's always a polite thank you, but I never know if people mean it. I know I can be annoying, or stupid, or a little 5 year old, but that's how I am. But everyone has their good and bad sides. And whatever anyone says I'm proud of who I am. Proud that I actually care about others. Even if they don't care about me.
It would be way more easy if everyone would say: you're my friend, you're not, I don't wanna talk to you, go away. But most people don't do that because they learned to be nice and not hurt others. But it hurts me more when someone pretends to like me. I rather have someone saying in my face they don't like me.
It would be way more easy if everyone would say: you're my friend, you're not, I don't wanna talk to you, go away. But most people don't do that because they learned to be nice and not hurt others. But it hurts me more when someone pretends to like me. I rather have someone saying in my face they don't like me.
I make mistakes, I know that. And if I do something wrong to make you mad or I hurt you, Tell Me!
Today I deleted almost 30 people in my msn list, I mean there's no use in keeping them if they never talk to me.
Why I'm writing this? Because i wanted to.
<3
<3
Geen opmerkingen:
Een reactie posten